Cashing the Check: A Sad Tale

"I lived to write and wrote to live"
               - Samuel Rogers

It was the day most writers have (at some point in their lives) dreamed about.  I was on my way to the bank with a royalty check in my pocket.  The sun was shining.  The birds were singing.  All seemed to be right in the world.  Demon in My Head was selling and I had been expecting the check to come in since my publisher sent me an email just a week ago, telling me of the approaching wind fall.  What would I do with it?  Of course, being the sensible person that I am, my thought was to deposit it into my checking account.

The faint laughter of my wife’s voice through the cell phone still resonated.  She mocked me mercilessly, but I didn’t waver in my resolve.  I was a published novelist and no one could take that away from me.  On a sunny afternoon, I took an early lunch and drove to my bank and walked through the doors.  With a back that was ramrod straight, a smile that bedazzled, and a twinkle in my eye, I marched to the teller’s desk and placed my check on the counter.

“I would like to deposit this check, please.”

The teller, a nice blonde, with a deep, raspy voice turned the check over and looked at the endorsed check.  She smiled and looked up at me.  “All of it, or would you like me to disperse some of it?” 

Sure, the $1.02 check did not look like much, but that did not matter to me.  I was cashing a royalty check.  Someone (just one) purchased my novel.  Most likely it was someone I knew who was excited that someone they knew had successfully published a novel, but that was not the point.  “I appreciate the support, Mavis.”  My voice dripped sarcasm.

Mavis had been my teller since I took my current job.  In that time, we’ve gotten to talk about a lot of things.  I knew her oldest son would be graduating college next spring.  I knew she was trying to cope with an ailing parent.  She knew that I had published a novel.  “I must say that I’m very impressed.  What type of book is it?”

“It’s about vampires.”  I waited for the slight roll of the eyes that I usually got whenever I mentioned that I had written a horror novel.

“Like Twilight?”  I was asked that question so much that I JUST got used to hiding the disgust from my face.

“Not quite.”  I plastered on a fake smile and briefly gave her a vague synopsis (one that I’d been using whenever someone asked about my piece). 

“Oh…well…that’s interesting.”  Translation: It sounds like a piece of tripe and I won’t be shelling out money for a copy.  “I’ll have to take a look out for it.”  Translation: Unless you’re giving out free copies so I can burn it for warmth, I won’t be picking it up anytime soon.

“Thank you!”  Translation: I know you think that it’s garbage and won’t be picking it up anytime soon, so why the pleasantries?  I kept the smile on my face until I left the bank, a Herculean task, to be sure.  I will always recall that day to be one of the highlights of my writing career.  With so many friends and family members telling me of their writing efforts, I have wondered what makes for “success” in writing.  Publishing has always been a dream of mine, but that was not how I defined “success”.  There are many people who tell me that they are working on publishing a book.  However, few people will tell me that they are working on writing a book.  Sure, it may seem like these tasks go hand in hand (and in a direct way, they do).  But what they reveal is the aspects of the rationale behind their writing.

I’ve repeatedly mentioned that one of my biggest problems with writing is writing consistently and often.  I have two blogs that I manage because I have something that I want to “say” (and it gives me another reason to write).  So, before you set finger to keyboard (or pen to paper), ask yourself why you do it.  Because when those rejections come (and believe me, they WILL come), are you writing because you want to write or because you want to publish.  Only one of those answers will keep you going in those cold winter nights when you go through your mail and you find yet another rejection notice. 

No, I’m not rolling in the money with Demon in My Head.  I’m sure that I have more friends who have “liked” Demon than people who have actually purchased the novel.  But it was my belief in the story (and my editor’s belief in it) that helped to get that novel into tangible form.  And I believe, if you have a resolute attitude towards your story, you will have tangible proof that your months and months of work will bear fruit as well.

Inspiration from Beyond the Grave

"You just need to put the heart before the course...."

                                      -Margo Lagattuta

            This morning I received an email from a person who died two years ago.  Thus began my first day back to work after a week on vacation.  It was a week away from everything, which included writing.  The moment I sat at my office desk and pulled up my email to get started on the day’s tasks, the first email my eyes latched onto was an email from a close friend of mine who died a couple years ago.  Like me, she was a fellow writer.  Like me, she was passionate about teaching.  She had a way with words that haunts me to this day and to see an email from her today tore my soul apart and opened wounds that I thought were long healed.

            On many occasions we talked about writing; on occasion, she would discuss her own works, but I never discussed my own writing.  We would talk of style, mechanics and finding one’s own voice.  I am not even sure if she knew I was writing a novel (let alone a horror novel about vampires), but she knew I was writing.  Over the past week and a half I had off, I did no writing.  I would love to admit that I did it because I wanted to take a break from a copious amount of writing and my rest was well earned, but the truth of the matter was that I hadn’t picked up the pen (or the keyboard) to work on my manuscript in quite some time before my vacation.  I know what my friend would tell me “Pick up that pen [she knew I wrote on a pen and pad of paper first]!  Get back to work!  That story won’t write itself.”  Indeed, she was right.  I would yell at my pad of paper (even placed the pen atop the pad) and guess what?  It didn’t write itself.  I hadn’t even opened the email and I mentally chastised myself for not writing (it would have been what she would have done).  Finally, realizing that I was at my office to work (and not to write), I set about the day’s tasks; however, my friend and my writing weren’t far from my thoughts.

            When you have a life (family, job, meetings, and other obligations) it can be difficult to factor writing into your day to day activities.  This is especially true if you see writing as a diversion.  If you see it purely as something fun and relaxing, then guilt can weasel its way into your mind and make you feel bad about writing taking you away from what you are “supposed” to do.  Make writing something that you are supposed to do.

            I find that I get a lot done when I am at a designated work station (even if that “work station” is the kitchen table).  If I create a habit that I sit at a table or desk (with a straight-backed chair), it forces me to stay on task.  The kitchen table and a laptop is the perfect place to set up a makeshift office where I can keep on task.

            Also, I find that I write better and stay focused when I put together a predictable schedule to write at.  Saturdays at 6am, and Wednesdays at 7pm are great times for me to get working on my novel.  These are quite regular times for me.  Most times I work my way to writing once every other day, but if I cannot do this, then I go back to my tried and true Saturday and Wednesday schedule.  Lots of authors (especially published ones) have a regular schedule that they work on every day.  If you can’t do this now, then work up to it.  However, keep that small schedule no matter what.

            Be productive, too!  I give myself a set schedule of how much to write.  If I exceed it, then I know that next time, I push past it.  If I have a hard time doing it, then I write what I can.  I also give myself an incentive for wanting to pick it up again.  For example, I end on an incomplete thought or I end with a cliffhanger.  That makes me want to pick it up again next time.

            Think of writing as a job that can be just as important as other tasks that you have in your life.  Those ideas that you have in your head are just as valuable as anything that you read in a magazine or see on the shelves.  I think of that email often.  I think of what my friend would say about my laziness in writing.  If you’re wondering why write of this on the heels of an email from a friend from beyond the grave.  It is important to know that the email came to me through my work account.

            Still yet, if you’re wondering what was written…well, I’ll let that be a story idea for you to pursue.

Writing - No Writing

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions"

                                                    - Old Proverb

Happy New Year to you!  2012 has been a wonderful year and I look forward to what is in store for the Year of the Snake.  It is in the spirit of hope that I write this entry.  With this in mind it makes me recall a year ago when my wife and I went to our gym on New Year’s Day and found it to be packed.  We had been going to this gym for several months and had never seen it so packed.  As the weeks continued, the parking lot for this gym was filled during the evenings.  However, once February rolled around, the parking lot grew sparser and sparser.   My wife and I laughed at the visual of the New Year’s Resolution curse.  Many people resolve to improve themselves by going to the gym, only to let it die as the weeks progress.

Just like muscle development, writing can be developed through exercise.  If you don’t want to succumb to the New Year’s Resolution curse, treat writing in the same way that you treat going to the gym.  If you don’t, then your writing can be as flabby as an unexercised muscle.

To be perfectly honest, I feel hypocritical writing this simply because my writing has suffered a lot as of late.  I have missed my personal deadline for completing The Demons We Create (the unofficial “sequel” to Demon in My Head) due to my job, marriage, studying three martial arts disciplines, and a near obsession with comic books (aka Life).  When my wife asked what my New Year’s Resolution was, my first instinct was to loudly proclaim “TO WRITE MORE!!!”  However, the superstitious side of me dared not to utter such a promise in fear of succumbing to the aforementioned “curse”. 

However, my resolution would be to make writing a habit.  Much like with exercise, writing needs to become a habit.  Just as one makes time to put on a pair of socks or turn on the television, one needs to make writing a habit.  It should be a habit to exercise.  It should be habit to write.  By writing this blog, I made myself something to habitually update.  I make a habit to post a comment on Facebook (just the innocuous action of typing a few sentences forces me to write something).  Even though it isn’t long, the action of writing is important in and of itself.

Just as putting on socks is something I don’t think about (I just do it), writing and exercising needs to be thought of in the exact same way.  I shouldn’t think “I need to write today”.  I just need to write.  In martial arts some refer to this as “Mind-No Mind”.  This is the thought that there should be no thought to writing, there should only be writing.  If one is thinking: “Gee, I need to write”, or “After this, I’m going to write”, notice that neither statement states that writing will be done.  Plus, how many have thought this and haven’t produced a single sentence?  You may have had every intention to write, yet without writing, it is not even relevant.  Writing – No Writing is all about the action of writing rather than the intention.  When suffering from Writer’s Block, my Composition I professor said “Just start writing!”  I must concur with his advice (even though when I first heard him say it, it was the most frustrating feeling I’ve ever had).  Good luck with your writing ventures.