The Schizophrenic In Me

“Are you really sure that a floor can’t also be a ceiling?”-M. C. Escher
“Just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean they aren’t looking at you and licking their lips.”-Gabriel Brimstone



Just this past weekend, I attended a wedding shower and it was discovered, by many of those who attended, that I had recently published a novel. I felt like a celebrity (something that doesn’t happen very often) and was excited to answer many questions about writing a novel. One of the questions was “How close do you feel to your characters?”

Many people have asked questions regarding to my process and where I come up with ideas, but that was the first time someone had asked me about how close to my characters I was. On the heels of publishing Demon in My Head and nearly completing The Modern Prometheus (both of which feature the vampire hunter Gabriel Brimstone), I had to think about how I felt about finishing Demon. In short, I was depressed.

It took me exactly 365 days to write the first draft of Demon in My Head (then titled Addicted). Before that, I had written many short stories featuring Gabriel. After I edited Addicted for publication in Night to Dawn Magazine, I found myself rewriting the manuscript, changing it into the version that is currently out for “consumption”. That rewrite took a good two years to complete. As such, Gabriel and I spent many, many years together.

So when this dear, sweet woman asked me about the closeness of my characters, I told her that I felt “schizophrenic”. Much like Gabriel, I, too, have demons and voices in my head. Some of them are friendly, and some of them are very, very dark. These are the characters that make the inspiration for my stories. I have eaten, dreamed and slept with Gabriel Brimstone (much to the chagrin of relationships that I have had). It took me a lot of effort to continue the conversation and refer to Gabriel as a character. Otherwise, I would have sounded like a person with severe mental issues to the curious woman.

“They are a part of me, and I am a part of them,” I remember telling her. Before Brimstone, I had published very little writing. It mostly consisted of mystery tales. However, when I jumped into horror fiction, which was when my writing received the most amount of attention.

My fiancé has mentioned many times that I should write something more romantic or (as she puts it) “real.” The problem for me is that the definition of “real” is a very ambiguous term when I dip my pen into the ink well of my imagination. Even though Gabriel Brimstone is a vampire hunter and spends his nights keeping the things that go bump in the night away from the rest of us, he is very “real” to me. At a risk of giving some of the plot away, there are some very real facets of Demon. On many occasions, I have had to work at separating myself from my characters (Gabriel Brimstone being one of the most prominent characters). Mr. Brimstone and I have philosophized on many occasions the meaning of life, the definition of reality, and our hopes and dreams. Demon tells reality through the eyes of a man who looks at the world a little different than most of us, but to him, it is no less real. After all, what does “real” mean to you?

I don’t attend wedding showers very often (in fact, this was my very first one), but I had a great time justifying my psychosis to a dear woman who wanted to get inside the mind of a writer, but got more than she bargained for. The next time you ask a writer how close they are to their characters, see what their answer is.

If you’re a doctor, don’t be afraid to prescribe something.